I’m clueless. I don’t know what to do. He says “I have to collect my thoughts, then get back to you” when I asked if we could be friends again. Yes, I asked if we could be friends. Stupid. I know. I also know that I shouldn’t be his friend if he actually has to sit and think about it.

I can’t help it.

I need him.

He is the one who got me in this position and made me feel bad from the beginning. Maybe he can be the one to make it better. If not, I would rather him hurt me again than have someone else. That sounds horrible. Believe me. I know. I just…feel so empty. If I can’t have him as mine, I would rather have him as a friend than nothing at all.

I would drop everything and do anything for him.

I probably sound crazy.

I am so weak when it comes to him.

Would you call it love? I have no idea what to call it. I have never been in love. If it is love, is it supposed to hurt like this? Is it supposed to be this hard?

If only there was one of those yellow “For Dummies” books to help me out.

I don’t know who to turn to for help. I know all of my friends will tell me what I don’t want to hear. I’m the only one on my side. But I don’t blame my friends for being against it. It is stupid. I just don’t understand why he doesn’t want me anymore. He used to tell me how happy he was to finally find someone like me. Someone who will treat him right.

I’m tired of thinking about it all of the time. I never get a break from it. The worst part is, EVERY song has at least one line from it that makes me feel like it’s directed to me.

I feel like I’m getting stabbed by words. It makes me not want to listen to music. But I can’t give that up. I can’t go a single day without listening to it. UGH. This makes me feel bi-polar. And crazy. A little psycho too.

Everything was so much better 7 months ago. I want my happiness back. It seems like he’s the one that has it.

I am so irritated with myself. I can’t believe I would let one single person hurt me so bad. Make me feel this way. HAVE THIS BIG OF AN AFFECT ON ME. I’m tired of caring. I’m tired of hurting. I’m tired of crying EVERY night. It’s the last thing on my mind when I go to bed and the first thing when I wake up. I dream about the past. Why can’t I get over it? Why can’t I get it out of my head? Ugh. Shoot me.